Growing up, sex was pretty much never talked about in my home and my only exposure to it was what I saw in romantic movies.
This completely skewed my view of love and sex when I was dating. I grew up believing sex was the key to falling in love and living “happily ever after.” Once I started having sex with my boyfriend I just assumed that we would fall deeply in love, but I was disappointed when that didn’t happen.
I didn’t understand why sex wasn’t always ‘perfect’ like in the movies. It didn’t fix our relationship or make it better than it already was. I became more hurt and confused thinking I was doing something wrong because in the movies it works every time!
In hindsight, having sex before love and commitment brought out so many of my insecurities. I think I felt this way because when you have sex with someone you really open yourself up and let them see every part of you, physically and emotionally. What if they didn’t accept me? I thought to myself.
I expected this crazy, perfect, easy experience but in reality sex can be funny, messy, and awkward. I thought that because sex wasn’t always picture perfect, that there must be something wrong with me. I feared my boyfriend would leave me for someone who was better than me in bed.
I didn’t know or understand how amazing sex really is until I married my husband. We didn’t have sex until we got married. Because we are completely secure in our relationship, it makes us more secure in the bedroom. We have the freedom to be fully ourselves no matter how awkward, funny, or not-sexy it might be. Sex is better because I know I love him and he loves me.
It has definitely been a slow process, but slowly over time I have grown to be more open and to just have fun. I have learned that if and when those funny and awkward things happen it doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong person. It means you are with the right one because you are being yourself around them.
The biggest thing I have learned is that sex is a product of love, love is not a product of sex. I grew up thinking that you have sex to fall in love with someone, but it is the opposite. When you truly love someone, sex is a byproduct of that amazing love.