Should You Go Out with a Guy Who Isn’t Your Boyfriend?

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you these past few months and I was wondering if you would like to get coffee sometime?” he asked me.

He was a nice guy and fun to be around, but I was dating someone else. I’d even set him up to go out with one of my friends. I didn’t want to assume he was asking me out—but he was asking me out.

Even though I remained calm and smiled, I felt like my jaw had dropped. Was this really happening right now?

Before I had a chance to collect my thoughts I said, “Just as friends, right? I mean…” The words fell out of my mouth, but I felt as though I was stuttering.

“Yes. I mean, you said you are dating someone, right? And that it’s going well?” He responded. At that point, he was trying to recover. I didn’t know what to say.

“I guess if it’s just as friends that would be fine,” I said with hesitation.

As we parted ways, I immediately regretted my response. “What was I thinking?” I thought to myself.  I knew he wanted more, but I wasn’t interested.

After I went home that night, I called my boyfriend and told him what had happened. I always want to be completely honest with him and not feel like I was holding something back from him.

I think his response showed how much he trusts me. Even after I asked him for help to decide what to say to my friend, my boyfriend asked me to decide what I felt was appropriate.

I didn’t have romantic intentions in going out with my friend for coffee. But I also didn’t want to send mixed signals to him or my boyfriend.

I decided that while I would love to hang out with this friend in a group, spending time with him one-on-one really wasn’t a good idea. After letting him know how I felt, he respected my decision.

This awkward situation became an opportunity for me to be honest with my boyfriend and my friend. My boyfriend knows that I love him. But I do what I can to make it clear that I’m not interested in someone else.

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1 Comment

  • I JUST had a similar situation happy to me. My BF knows that this guy friend of mine is a good friend that I’ve known before he and I met but I never want to send the signal to my BF that I don’t respect us to the upmost degree.

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