I got the courage to ask Jimmy out, and then I kissed him. His response was a loving “ok” just like in everything we do. He always says, “ok.” We laugh about it all the time because the everyday person listening to our conversation would think I had asked him how his day was. Even though, it took so much courage to ask him out that day, it began our relationship. Now, we have been married for 2 years. It wasn’t always that easy though…
Jimmy had been my best friend since I was 19 years old. Throughout most of our friendship, both of us were in relationships with other people. We had remained good friends and continued to stay in touch with each other, but not overly so. However, things started to change after my abusive relationship ended and his engagement fell apart.
After the abuse, my days consisted of just partying as hard as I could. I knew from all the research and reading I had done that the possibility of falling into an abusive cycle with someone else was higher. I knew that something needed to change especially since I had started therapy after my abusive relationship. I finally had learned what was right, and I received guidance to help me plan out my life. I began to heal, to learn to love myself, to forgive myself for “allowing” this to happen.
During this time, Jimmy and I started hanging out more and more. We would talk about life, God, and our faith. At first, I definitely had blinders on. I only thought of Jimmy as my best friend. I don’t know if it was because we had been friends for so long, but for some reason I did not see him as a potential partner. He was handsome, funny, smart, kind, loyal, a good friend, and he was a man of faith. I remember praying that I would find someone like him, but for some reason I only saw Jimmy as my friend.
Suddenly, things changed. I can’t exactly tell you what changed, but I just remember being in one of his self defense classes and all of the sudden I saw him as a man. I saw him as if it was the first time. I don’t think it was something he said or did. We had been friends for so long, but at that moment I just knew I could date him. I always knew he was a Man of God and one that was kind, loyal, and close to his family. He has the most beautiful eyes but I just didn’t really see him until that day. I don’t know what changed but it was like a veil was lifted.
I knew that if I chose to be with him, it would be a real commitment. I didn’t want to lose my best friend. But at at that time, I was still healing and wasn’t sure if I was ready for a real relationship. I was still in some ways causing myself pain. But through therapy and with his support I also learned that I felt like I didn’t deserve a good man because I was broken. I needed to learn that I deserved to be loved.
I realized that when I was in bad relationships, drinking or clubbing I was searching again to fill a void that couldn’t be filled or numb the pain I had in my life. But what I really needed was to change my life. I needed to become a better person and believe that I deserved better. Jimmy’s friendship turned into a love that made me realize that I was worth true love.