Since I’ve likely watched everything available on Netflix, I’ve started to listen to Podcasts instead. Yesterday I caught this series on Strangers and had a personal epiphany when I heard them using a metaphor in regards to dating, it goes something like this:
Many people go into dating like they go into a grocery store when they are hungry. They are so hungry that they start picking up Pringles and gummy bears and chocolate and cheese and then they get home and they realize that they forgot to get anything for the meal that they were intending to cook for themselves in the first place. They pick up the junk or the things that are pleasurable, delicious, and momentary because they were just looking for whatever would fill them up right then.
This metaphor about junk food in the grocery store explains my dating life perfectly.
It’s no secret that I am a little bit handicapped in the realm of dating. I have a very full life that I am so grateful for, but I keep so busy between work and yoga and church and friends and fellowship that I forget that there is going to be a time that I desire romantic companionship. And then it hits me like a giant wave in the ocean. In that moment, I can’t wipe the feeling of desperation to have that part of my life filled.
So what happens then? I take whatever comes first. Someone asks me on a date. I go. I know it’s not right, but I go with it because it’s pleasurable–maybe not delicious–and momentary. I think, well, I can’t see this lasting that long, but I’ll take what I can get. Just like being hungry in the grocery store. And then a month later I realize what I have done ( that I took the first thing that came my way) and that I need to seek something healthy and hearty and right instead. Then I have to end this little month long fling.
A lot of times when I feel this strong desire to date, I sign up on some online dating site. Do it for a month. Go on so many dates (as in, I pick up the pringles, chocolate, cheese, cheetos all at the same time). The dates crash and burn. I become discouraged and I retreat back into the comfort of my steady life and complain about dating. I should add that it’s not that these men are “bad” or “junk,” we just aren’t compatible in the ways that I am looking for.
I honestly don’t know totally what it means to buy the right ingredients in preparation for something healthy quite yet. I don’t really believe in “focusing on myself” in order to find a fulfilling relationship. I have a lot to offer in a relationship and happen to love the life I have, but am also aware that in my humanness and in my femininity, I am made for companionship and that this companionship is not about being “perfect.”
Maybe it means being open when I wanted to be closed. To not let it be so black and white. And to also have patience. I’ve been hearing a lot lately that it really is just about meeting the right person, which you cannot force or will into existence.
For now, I’m going to remember to nicely say no to the potato chips.
Please please please tell me your dating stories!
Here is the podcast I heard, if you’re interested.
Erica originally posted this on her blog Be A Heart.
- He’s Not Interested In Me Anymore. What Did I Do Wrong? - May 27, 2015
- The Pitfalls Of Dating When You Are Hungry - March 5, 2015