My Dirty Laundry Doesn’t Change How He Feels about Me

How to accept the past of your partner

“What I know now is that I want the love in my future relationships and marriage to be unconditional,” Brittany wrote in an earlier story. I have to say, I think Brittany is on the right track and should expect nothing less out of marriage. My husband loves me unconditionally, and he started showing me this love from the moment we met.

Monika unconditional love_scribbletaylorYou see, when my husband and I met, I felt comfortable enough with him to be open about where I was in my own life journey. We started out as friends, I was dating someone else at the time and was not searching for a boyfriend at all.

I’ll never forget sitting down to coffee with him and telling him a lot about my life, including some of the not-so-stellar moments in my past. I can very distinctly remember the look on his face during our conversation. I was reminded of it when I heard Katy Perry’s song “Unconditionally” on the radio the other day. Katy sings: “All the insecurities, all the dirty laundry, never made me blink one time.”

I truly remember my husband’s face not changing during that conversation. He didn’t “blink,” as Katy puts it, and to this day—five years into our marriage—he still hasn’t.

My husband’s opinion of me, the girl who he was getting to know and love, didn’t change because of any of the dirty laundry in my life. That is a big reason why we ultimately decided to get married after only a year of dating. After late night conversations and getting to know one another’s histories and quirks, we realized that nothing could happen in our lives—past or present—that could change the way we love each other. We had discovered true, beautiful, and unconditional love with each other, and it gave us all we could ever need.

In the chorus of Katy Perry’s song, she repeats the line: “There no fear now. Let go and just be free.” My husband and I have found that in authentic, unconditional love in marriage, there really is no fear.

Like Brittany, I remember being so unsure many times in other past relationships. I also remember being afraid of what other people thought of my boyfriends in the past. Would my parents approve? Would I get along with his family? How is this relationship going to work? But with my husband, I found that I never had any of those fears. I think when you have real love, the unconditionality that comes with it alleviates each and every fear you could possibly have.

Katy continues in the song to say, “I’ll take your bad days with the good. Walk through the storm I would. I’d do it all because I love you.” These lyrics seem like a reference to the “in sickness and in health” part of marriage vows, and they really get at the heart of the unconditional nature of love.

Despite starting out as friends, my husband and I did eventually get together and make the commitment of marriage. We knew that it was only through the binding promise of marriage that we could continue to love each other without strings or conditions for the rest of our lives.

In my own marriage, we have had so many good days, but we have had bad days too. We have experienced loss among family and friends, job uncertainty, and at the end of each day, we’re both exhausted from working all day mostly apart from each other. But we can sleep at night without fear because of the simple fact of unconditional love between us.

My husband loves me unconditionally, and we are committed to keep loving each other without condition till death do us part. This love fuels our daily life, giving us energy to keep working when we think we have none left, and it makes even the rainiest day have a glimmer of sunshine.

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