“I have to tell you something,”said my boyfriend.
“You are a cute typer.”
He then reached across the table and took my hand, smiled, and went back to writing his paper.
It was such a random statement; I couldn’t do anything but smile and giggle.
I was sitting across the table from him in the café, catching up on paperwork. This was truly the best weekend: spending time with him instead of being hundreds of miles apart and stuck on a phone or Skype.
Like the good ISFJ that I am (thanks, Myers-Briggs), my dominant love language is quality time. This never rang more true for me than when I was in a long-distance relationship with the man who became my husband. Just being with him was like heaven to me.
Early in our relationship, I asked him if he had heard of love languages. He had not and wanted to know more.
I described the five languages to him and explained there was a quiz online he could take to discover his love language.
“Oh, I don’t need the quiz,” he stated. “This is easy, mine is physical touch. That is what I really like out of those five choices. What about you?”
I explained my language and as our relationship grew, he came to understand that time together was how I felt most loved—closely followed by words of affirmation or appreciation. Similarly, I took time to understand his love language, physical touch. In taking time to learn about each other’s love language, we better understood how to express love to one another—which set us up for a happy marriage.
In our lives now, my husband knows that the best thing he can do for me is be with me. Whether it is going out for dinner, hanging out at home, or driving along the gravel roads near our house, our time together means everything to me. Similarly, I make sure reciprocate and make some sort of physical contact daily with my husband. Hand holding, shoulder rubbing, hugs, a quick kiss—no matter what it is, physical contact makes him jump for joy!
Are you looking to get to know someone on a deeper level as you date? While each person is unique, learning your partner’s love language—and turning that love language into action—can help you express the love you feel.
(For more information on love languages, please refer to The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.)
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