“What Do You Mean?”

Texting in NYC

“What do you mean?”

Justin Bieber, I feel ya buddy. Way too often I receive the infamous, “Will do” or “K” text messages. What the heck do those even mean?

I can remember texting a guy after what I thought was a good date, “Thank you so much for dinner and a great time tonight. I would love to get together again soon. Let me know what your schedule looks like.”

Then receiving the text of doom “Will do” or even a simple “K.”

Let me tell you—nothing gets my blood boiling like those two responses. I would rather my date say, “I had an awful time, you talk a lot and had lettuce in your teeth the entire night,” then the one or two word response.

But I also can’t stand it when someone is an over-texter. I remember a time when I was barely home from a date and I had five text messages and a voicemail waiting for me. Talk about overwhelming! I barely had time to make it to my front porch.

As I add up my dating frustrations, I can’t help but think there’s got to be a balance in communication here somewhere. There must be a way to navigate in-between the text-er who never responds, and the one who sends 10 messages in the brief second I bend down to tie my shoes.

For a long time my hope simply was that when I found Mr. Right, he and I would click. We could text, call, and hang out when we wanted to. It wouldn’t be a burden or something that caused anxiety, it would be easy and simple.

But then I realized that if I wanted good communication in my relationships it needed to start with me. I needed to lead by example by becoming the communicator (texter) I wish was replying to my messages.

So some tips that really helped me:

1. If texting is your main form of communication maybe its time to reevaluate. Call each other or as crazy as it seems, meet up for a coffee or go for a hike.   A relationship may start over a text but if there isn’t anything else then it’s going to end over a text as well.

2. You deserve a relationship where both parties are “in.” The texting, calling, hanging out shouldn’t be a burden or something you are constantly worrying about. The constant questioning of, “Did I wait enough minutes between his last text and mine,” isn’t worth your time. The person should be someone you are excited to hear from and in return excited to respond to.

3. Be honest and don’t play games! We cannot read each other’s minds, so say what you mean. I am not perfect at this either, but we need to start being honest about our intentions, even if it is in a text message. At the other end of the screen is a real person with feelings, a heart, and a future that is bigger than you.

I know that God wants to fulfill my desires for a husband and that my time will come. But until then, I’m going to make a positive impact on my relationships by changing my communication style. All my relationships deserve honest communication, whether it is a potential boyfriend or not. Hopefully then when I do meet the man I want to be with we will stick with the Biebs and, “Be more straight forward” so that neither of us are left at “What do you mean?”

 

Photography: Flickr/ Michele Ursino

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1 Comment

  • Can you write more about good communication? I liked this article a great deal- esp that it talked about texting. However I wonder often about communication in general as well. How do you know when to ask for what you want and when you have to admit that maybe this person just is the way he is? I don’t mean awful moral problems, just the nuances of interpersonal relating. How do you know?!

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