What I Know Now: Six Signs That He’s A Player

Young men in Amsterdam - Kevin Dooley
Flickr/ Kevin Dooley

Guys aren’t the only ones who play the field. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve done it, too. I figured that if a guy was going to play me anyway I was going to do it first before he got a chance to hurt me. I would be the one saying that I didn’t want a relationship right now, that I just wanted to have fun. I didn’t want to be tied down, but in all reality I really did want a relationship. I was just so tired of getting hurt that I thought I’d be the guy for a change and beat him at his own game.

Now I do want a relationship that will potentially lead to marriage because marriage is something that I really do want. I’m not saying that I’ll marry a guy like right now, but if it was to happen in the next few years I wouldn’t mind.

But that means I don’t have time to waste on players. I know what I’m looking for, and it’s a guy who will commit.

But sometimes it’s hard to find that. I’m currently on a dating website, and it seems like most of the guys are just looking to hook up and nothing more. In my experience of playing the field and getting played, I’ve noticed six red flags to help identify (and avoid!) a player.

1) Says one thing and does another. For example, they say they don’t do drugs but actually are doing them and have pictures to prove it.

2) Cancels plans at the last minute with a lame excuse. But they get caught out with someone else when it gets tagged to their Facebook page.

3) One week he wants to be with you and the next he doesn’t. He says, “Baby, I want to be with you” on the first day you meet, and then the following week he tells you, “I don’t want a relationship right now.”

4) He only wants to meet late at night. This is a big one—he’s only wanting sex.

5) Hides his cell phone. He has a password on it and when he is texting faces the phone to where you can’t see the screen.

6) Is secretive and defensive. He won’t let you know what his plans are, and when you ask he is really short with you. He evades your questions and doesn’t give full answers.

I’m watching out for these things and using them to help me know when a guy is worth dating and when I should make other plans. What clues have you used to spot a player?

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