From the time I was a young teen I’ve almost always had a boyfriend. Some people say that having a lot of relationships will help you to know what you want, but I moved from relationship to relationship so fast that I never gave myself time to stop and think about what I wanted.
I never really figured out the whole dating scene. I thought that dating meant getting into a relationship. I didn’t realize until recently that it’s normal to go on dates in order to get to know a person or multiple people before making an exclusive commitment to be in a relationship with one person. Dating before getting into a relationship would have given me more time to decide if I wanted to be with that person or not. Since I tended to get into a relationship shortly after meeting someone I didn’t always know my new boyfriend very well, and it sometimes meant that I got into unhealthy relationships with men that weren’t good to me or my kids.
For the New Year, if I decide I do want to start dating again, I want to make sure I know what I want in a man. I know that I need to set standards for myself that apply to dating so that I’m not repeating my mistakes and past failures in a relationship. I’m going to be pickier than I have in the past so that I don’t just jump into a relationship with the first guy that shows a little interest. I deserve a lot more than I give myself credit for and I am working to fix my self-image.
So I have come up with a list of traits that I want in a man:
- Has a job – doesn’t have to be an amazingly wealthy guy, but can provide for himself easily.
- Has his own place – roommates are fine just not living with his parents or exes.
- Understands life with children – needs to know how to act around kids and should be prepared to handle my kids if our relationship turns into something more.
- Is financially responsible/stable – I myself am working on this and I want the guy to be able to pay bills on time, have decent credit, etc.
- Drama free – no baby mama drama or likes drama or the center of attention. I don’t have time for that BS.
- Has his own vehicle – I can’t afford to be picking a guy up and dragging my kids out to get him.
- Similar goals – I want to be moving in the same direction as the guy I’m with, not the opposite direction.
- Good family values – morally sound which means he knows how to be a man and provide for his family.
- Believes in God – doesn’t have to be super religious, but shares my belief in God.
- Gentle-natured – no anger or mental issues.
- Not controlling – no telling me what I can and cannot do.
- Trustworthy – understands that trust is earned not given.
These are some of the qualities that I am looking for in man. I’m sure I will have more as I grow into the person that I want to be.
What I know now is that I do deserve a man that will treat my children and me the way that I want to be treated. I don’t need to settle for less. I know that I am not perfect and I do not expect the guy to be either, but I also know that there are some basic standards that will help me to find a relationship in which I’ll be happy and a man with whom I can commit to and love.