What I Know Now: What I’m Looking For in a Man

From the time I was a young teen I’ve almost always had a boyfriend. Some people say that having a lot of relationships will help you to know what you want, but I moved from relationship to relationship so fast that I never gave myself time to stop and think about what I wanted.

Flickr/Antoine K
Flickr/Antoine K

I never really figured out the whole dating scene. I thought that dating meant getting into a relationship. I didn’t realize until recently that it’s normal to go on dates in order to get to know a person or multiple people before making an exclusive commitment to be in a relationship with one person. Dating before getting into a relationship would have given me more time to decide if I wanted to be with that person or not. Since I tended to get into a relationship shortly after meeting someone I didn’t always know my new boyfriend very well, and it sometimes meant that I got into unhealthy relationships with men that weren’t good to me or my kids.

For the New Year, if I decide I do want to start dating again, I want to make sure I know what I want in a man. I know that I need to set standards for myself that apply to dating so that I’m not repeating my mistakes and past failures in a relationship. I’m going to be pickier than I have in the past so that I don’t just jump into a relationship with the first guy that shows a little interest. I deserve a lot more than I give myself credit for and I am working to fix my self-image.

So I have come up with a list of traits that I want in a man:

  1. Has a job – doesn’t have to be an amazingly wealthy guy, but can provide for himself easily.
  2. Has his own place – roommates are fine just not living with his parents or exes.
  3. Understands life with children – needs to know how to act around kids and should be prepared to handle my kids if our relationship turns into something more.
  4. Is financially responsible/stable – I myself am working on this and I want the guy to be able to pay bills on time, have decent credit, etc.
  5. Drama free – no baby mama drama or likes drama or the center of attention. I don’t have time for that BS.
  6. Has his own vehicle – I can’t afford to be picking a guy up and dragging my kids out to get him.
  7. Similar goals – I want to be moving in the same direction as the guy I’m with, not the opposite direction.
  8. Good family values – morally sound which means he knows how to be a man and provide for his family.
  9. Believes in God – doesn’t have to be super religious, but shares my belief in God.
  10. Gentle-natured – no anger or mental issues.
  11. Not controlling – no telling me what I can and cannot do.
  12. Trustworthy – understands that trust is earned not given.

These are some of the qualities that I am looking for in man. I’m sure I will have more as I grow into the person that I want to be.

What I know now is that I do deserve a man that will treat my children and me the way that I want to be treated. I don’t need to settle for less.  I know that I am not perfect and I do not expect the guy to be either, but I also know that there are some basic standards that will help me to find a relationship in which I’ll be happy and a man with whom I can commit to and love.


Latest posts by Brittany (see all)
Written By
More from Brittany

How To Get Along With Your Ex When You Have Kids Together

My ex wrote me on Facebook and called me babe and it...
Read More

1 Comment

  • Well written, I feel you. I appreciate your honesty and simplicity. Good self respect, no one should compromise that. Stay strong and keep believing.

Comments are closed.