What I Know Now: What I’m Looking For in a Man

From the time I was a young teen I’ve almost always had a boyfriend. Some people say that having a lot of relationships will help you to know what you want, but I moved from relationship to relationship so fast that I never gave myself time to stop and think about what I wanted.

Flickr/Antoine K
Flickr/Antoine K

I never really figured out the whole dating scene. I thought that dating meant getting into a relationship. I didn’t realize until recently that it’s normal to go on dates in order to get to know a person or multiple people before making an exclusive commitment to be in a relationship with one person. Dating before getting into a relationship would have given me more time to decide if I wanted to be with that person or not. Since I tended to get into a relationship shortly after meeting someone I didn’t always know my new boyfriend very well, and it sometimes meant that I got into unhealthy relationships with men that weren’t good to me or my kids.

For the New Year, if I decide I do want to start dating again, I want to make sure I know what I want in a man. I know that I need to set standards for myself that apply to dating so that I’m not repeating my mistakes and past failures in a relationship. I’m going to be pickier than I have in the past so that I don’t just jump into a relationship with the first guy that shows a little interest. I deserve a lot more than I give myself credit for and I am working to fix my self-image.

So I have come up with a list of traits that I want in a man:

  1. Has a job – doesn’t have to be an amazingly wealthy guy, but can provide for himself easily.
  2. Has his own place – roommates are fine just not living with his parents or exes.
  3. Understands life with children – needs to know how to act around kids and should be prepared to handle my kids if our relationship turns into something more.
  4. Is financially responsible/stable – I myself am working on this and I want the guy to be able to pay bills on time, have decent credit, etc.
  5. Drama free – no baby mama drama or likes drama or the center of attention. I don’t have time for that BS.
  6. Has his own vehicle – I can’t afford to be picking a guy up and dragging my kids out to get him.
  7. Similar goals – I want to be moving in the same direction as the guy I’m with, not the opposite direction.
  8. Good family values – morally sound which means he knows how to be a man and provide for his family.
  9. Believes in God – doesn’t have to be super religious, but shares my belief in God.
  10. Gentle-natured – no anger or mental issues.
  11. Not controlling – no telling me what I can and cannot do.
  12. Trustworthy – understands that trust is earned not given.

These are some of the qualities that I am looking for in man. I’m sure I will have more as I grow into the person that I want to be.

What I know now is that I do deserve a man that will treat my children and me the way that I want to be treated. I don’t need to settle for less.  I know that I am not perfect and I do not expect the guy to be either, but I also know that there are some basic standards that will help me to find a relationship in which I’ll be happy and a man with whom I can commit to and love.



My name is Britt and I am from Ohio. I have two beautiful children and I am a single mom. I love watching movies and reading. I joined I Believe in Love because I want to share my experiences with others that are in the same position I am in hopes it helps them through.

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1 Comment

  • Well written, I feel you. I appreciate your honesty and simplicity. Good self respect, no one should compromise that. Stay strong and keep believing.

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