The Hottest Woman I Know Can’t Be Found On A Porn Site

I used to be like a lot of guys when it comes to checking out women. It’s hard not to look twice or stare long as heels click by. It’s even harder surfing the web or skimming my Facebook newsfeed. A revealing selfie of a woman gets my imagination going and then I’m interested in checking out more things online, until, all of a sudden, I find myself on a porn website.

MichaelSarver a beach kissI remember getting hooked on porn beginning in 5th grade. Although I knew I wasn’t supposed to look at it, I always figured it wasn’t harming anyone. Throughout the years, all the guys in school would joke about it so I figured everyone was doing it. I would always convince myself that I needed, and was even entitled to, the escape and pleasure of it when stress came. It would take up a lot of my free time and cause me to be antisocial at times, but who cared? I was free to do whatever I wanted.

With that said, I committed to stop looking at porn three years ago without a wife, without even a girlfriend. What motivated me then?

The desire for a good sex life, with a real woman.

The truth is, two books: Boys’ Adrift by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.d and Pure Manhood by Jason Evert, gave me a perspective about porn I hadn’t thought about before.

According to Dr. Sax in Boys’ Adrift, there has been more and more men ages 18-28 experiencing erectile dysfunction. You know what he said was the common denominator among all of them? “Overuse of pornography” and that they “find it difficult to get aroused by real women.” Find it difficult to get aroused by a real woman?! F that. That was it for me. Even though I was single then, I wanted to be the best in bed my eventual wife would ever have. If I could do anything about it, erectile dysfunction wasn’t going to happen to me. If that meant stop watching porn, well it was worth trying.

Then I read this short 51-page book called Pure Manhood by Jason Evert and he had a line in there that has changed my view, literally, of women ever since. He was quoting what one high school student said to him, “Imagine if the first woman’s body you saw was your wife’s.”

One of the many reasons I’ve committed to try and not watch porn (though I’ve fallen plenty) or even try and not look longer than I need to at women in public (even harder) is because I don’t want to think of any other person when I hang around my wife Mimi. I don’t want any other image of anyone else to fly around in my head when I see her and hold her. And especially when I have sex with her.

This past weekend I celebrated my one year anniversary with Mimi and when I looked at her, I didn’t have any recent memory of other women I checked out, nor of any other women I could have seen on the Internet. I looked at my wife and she was the only woman in my mind.

And you know what that does when I let her be the only person I see? I desire her more, I want her more. Mimi has always been attractive, but when I go long extensive times without other images or porn in my head, she is the IT option for me. I’d even venture to say that she sees me as more confident and desires ME more when this happens. Win-win.

Are there hot women all around us in our daily lives and especially on the Internet? Yes. But when I let my wife be the only one I look at, well, she’s the most beautiful, attractive, and hottest one of them all.

Matt
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2 Comments

  • Thank you for this very honest piece. I hope it will encourage others to take the positive steps that you have in living a healthier sexuality (and thus live an overall healthier life). I don’t know if you’ve ever gotten assistance in overcoming your porn habit or if you just did it on your own, but if it’s the latter, I thought you might be interested in a post that I wrote about the subject, which can be found here at my personal blog. http://www.myfemininemind.com/2014/04/porn-101.html?

    Again, thanks for talking about this really important topic.

    • Hi!

      I checked out your post and there’s a lot of great resources there, many of which I have used or have referred to. Keep up the great work! I too have a lot of personal articles that covers a lot about the issue. Let me know if you’re interested!

      Peace and joy,
      Matt

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