What If We Lose The Spark?

Has your relationship lost its “spark”?

The good news is that your relationship has an opportunity to grow into something strong and lasting and beautiful.

The bad news is … well, you and your partner get to determine if there is any bad news.

When my wife, Amber, and I were dating, about a year into our relationship we questioned if we could be happy together the rest of our lives. I didn’t communicate my feelings to Amber like she wanted me to, which led us to think that maybe we weren’t meant for each other.

One winter day, we walked across New York’s Central Park wondering if we should break up. There was nothing seriously wrong with our relationship – but we were haunted by the thought that there might be somebody else out there more compatible for us.  If there is such a thing as a “spark” in a relationship, we were losing it.

On the other side of Central Park, we sat down for lunch with a couple who were a few years into marriage. We told them about our arguments. The first thing they did was to look at each other – and laugh.

“We still have those arguments!” Laura said. “Learning how to live with a person of the opposite sex is a normal struggle of marriage.”

I squeezed Amber’s hand in relief. “We’re normal!” I thought.

We learned that day that, as another friend later said, “Love is a climb, not a fall.”

Photo credits: David and Amber in Central Park: Ally Gabriele
Photo credits:
David and Amber in Central Park: Ally Gabriele

The writer C.S. Lewis put it this way: the journey of love is like the initial thrill that a boy feels at the first idea of flying. But what happens when he has been a pilot for thirty years? He probably doesn’t feel the same thrill of flying as he did at first.

Does this mean that the boy should give up his dreams of becoming a pilot when his training becomes “work”? No.

After all, the pilot can only gain the reward of being an accomplished pilot if he is willing to “lose” the initial thrill of flying.

Love is a journey. Like any journey, the beginning is the easiest. After that it becomes more difficult. But love’s reward is precious and worth fighting for: lifelong love for you and the one you love, and a stable and trusting family for your children.

Have you ever felt like the spark in your relationship had faded? What did you do to try to get it back?

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  • I love love love the quote, “Love is a climb, not a fall.” Similarly, I have come to learn that love is not a feeling, but a decision. Thinking of Love in this was truly changed my outlook on life! Thanks for sharing.

  • Thanks for sharing David! I think every relationship will go through ups and downs keeping the spark alive is part of the work we all must do to keep our relationships going! The important thing to me is to never give up, the spark can always be found!!

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