Love is unconditional, you’d be amazed how much love you have for some no matter what they do to you.
Speaking from experience, having someone in your family on drugs can destroy you, it destroyed me. But it’s amazing how strong the force of love is, even for someone who is hurting you with their drug use.
When I finally got to see my dad, I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I had a perfect image in my head, I was so excited to finally be around him, even though he left me and choose drugs over me. I was hoping for the father/daughter relationship I had dreamed of.
I thought my dreams were coming true when I got to live with him when I moved in with my grandma. But everything went downhill, not just because of constant reminders of my childhood with him but because of what was happening to our relationship while I lived with him. He started stealing everything from me that was so important to me–a necklace I got from Turkey, my birthday money, and my purses. It got so bad I couldn’t get expensive things for Christmas because it would have been a waste.
But no matter what I love him and for all the wrongs he did to me I always forgave him. I was destroyed, my trust in men was destroyed, but I kept thinking I wanted to have at least one relationship with a family member and feel the love for someone. But that hasn’t happened.
Over the years of knowing him he has done nothing but wrong, but I know it’s the drugs that are causing it. I have almost lost him several times from overdose. It’s sad to say I can’t trust him with my things or trust he will always be clean. And it’s a tremendous struggle to be the child of a drug addict when they disappear for months and you find yourself wondering if you’re ever going to see him or her again.
I want him to get better and be healthy, and he has sometimes, but then he relapses into drugs. I don’t cry anymore, because I’ve learned how to deal with someone like my dad. I don’t allow my dad to make me suffer emotionally, I’ve accepted that he needs to change his own life when he is ready.
I learned patience and I don’t enable. I take each day at a time and pray every night for the best. That’s all you can do. An addict will always be an addict. you never know what the next day brings and if they would slip up again or not. I don’t accept this is who he is, and I don’t understand why he does it, but the mistakes he has made pushed me to become something amazing.
I will always have unconditional love for him but that doesn’t mean I unconditionally accept bad habits . The best way I deal with this and what he has done to me is understand it’s the addiction and not him, and set healthy boundaries to protect myself . Strength and love are the two things you need to deal with struggles you can’t help or prevent. It’s not easy at all, but speaking from experience, it gets easier over time.
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