I Didn’t Want To Get Married … But Now I Do

I never thought that there would come a day when I wanted nothing more than to marry the man that I loved so much.

After some messy relationships, I concluded that I’d never find a man I could love enough to want to marry. I had been engaged multiple times, but every time I ran. I was afraid of getting married. I knew that marriage was a bigger commitment than living together, and I just couldn’t see myself making that commitment with those guys.

But today I wrote my boyfriend a letter telling him how proud I am of him, and how one day I want to be his wife. That got me thinking about how my views on marriage have changed over the past few years.

As a girl I remember I wanted to be like Cinderella or some other Disney princess and find my Prince Charming. But when I got older, I started to have mixed feelings about marriage. All little girls dream of a fairytale wedding, but it seems that those days are over. Divorce, break-ups, cheating, and abuse all made me question if love could be found, and if love could really last.

So why, despite all that, do I now want to get married someday?

Because, as I’ve written before, marriage is more than a piece of paper. It’s is a level of commitment that I’ve never had before. And I want that special connection, knowing that it’s not going to be taken away. In any other relationship you can just end things with a snap of your fingers, and there’d be nothing to it. But with marriage it takes a lot more.

In marriage you’re more willing to fix problems, because you don’t have that easy out that you have when dating. You’ve made a lifelong promise to each other publicly, so I think you’d do more to keep that promise.

Some people might not want marriage—they might think that being with one person for life is no fun. But I’d say that moving from person to person, relationship to relationship, is no fun. Been there, done that.

What I want now is to know that the person I wake up next to is the person that I’ll wake up to when my hair is grey and my grandchildren have children.

Like I did when I was a girl, I once again dream of getting married. But this time it’s not a dream about a fairytale wedding—it’s a dream about marriage. The details of the wedding don’t matter that much—whether it’s big or small, expensive or cheap, a big Fat Greek wedding or an elopement.

I have no idea what my wedding will be like—there are so many options. What matters to me is that I get married and that I make that lifelong commitment to love.

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