How fast is too fast?
Tradition, culture, and great-grandmothers may tell us that a relationship needs plenty of time to develop. Dating needs several months to run its course before an engagement takes place. And then several more months, maybe even more than a year, must transpire before a wedding. Still even more years should pass by before considering having children. Isn’t that what most people expect?
But what if “moving too fast” is not necessarily a bad thing? Of course, every relationship is different, and the people involved require different time-frames to get to know each other. I am a big proponent of taking as much time as needed in order to know for certain if a relationship should progress to a more serious stage. But I have also seen the advantage of making those decisions really quickly.
Take my sister, for example. She knew the guy she was dating was the one for her because they shared the same core values. They had only been together a few months, but they decided to get married pronto. They were both in the Army, and life was about to take them to opposite ends of the earth. They would either get married in two weeks time or not at all.
That was seven years ago, and today their marriage is going strong. Some might say they rushed into it. You bet they did—and why not rush? They knew they loved each other enough to commit for good, and so they did. In a way, the rushing made their lives a lot simpler. There was no drawn-out engagement or endless wedding plans. For them, moving fast was a very good thing.
Now planning a family is another big one that we never want to rush into. However, I have a cousin who deliberately planned to get pregnant ASAP. My cousin and his bride didn’t want to wait because they wanted their aging parents to meet and have a relationship with their grandchild. Nine months to the day after the big wedding celebration, the baby pictures went viral.
My husband and I first saw that odd little peanut in the ultrasound picture eight months after we were married. We were a bit shocked to be pregnant at that point. We thought we would spend several years working, building some financial security, and traveling the world together without kids.
Though we planned to take the baby stage of our relationship slow, rush is what we got. And let me tell you, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Truth be told, if we had waited for all the stars in our universe to align for that “perfect” time to have a baby, we would probably still be waiting.
But having our little son early in our marriage did some amazing things for our relationship. We suddenly realized that ultimately, we are not in charge of how and when things take place in our lives. From that point on we decided to live deliberate but not rigidly planned lives.
Just because you make the decision quickly doesn’t mean it isn’t carefully considered. Some things do take time to decide, but for the most part, I favor “moving too fast.” I say, if you know that the love you share with your special someone is a lasting one, why wait to make that commitment? I would say, “rush” into that marriage because time is precious, and spend as much of it as you can loving those closest to you.
Kiss the girl, take the trip, quit the job, have the baby, enroll in the class. Whatever it is that you’ve been waiting for, perhaps it’s time to pitch the calendar and rush into it.