He did it. He planned and executed the perfect Mother’s Day. I knew he had it in him.
Want to know our normal? For almost every gift he’s ever given me, I have sent him the idea over email as an act of mercy because he stresses so much anytime he has to come up with something. Often, I have to purchase it for him in order for him to be able to give it to me on time. Almost every holiday, the gift of choice was something practical- like a spatula because ours broke or socks or clothes for him because he fights me every time I buy him something new and he couldn’t fight me if it was his anniversary gift to me. No joke.
But not this time! I woke up to my husband asking what I wanted for breakfast. Then after snuggling back under the covers for about 30 minutes, enjoying the sounds of him getting the girls ready for the day, my four year old showed up and let me know that I was needed downstairs. As we sauntered down together, the smell of fresh coffee filled the air, and I was greeted by my breakfast, a card, and an empty vase. “Wait right here, mommy,” she said as she ran off to the garage. Then my girls took turns parading in with one flower at a time and telling me a reason they loved me. I could hear my husband’s whispers, directing them to success.
It was perfect. I felt so loved and so appreciated.
You might be thinking, “How sweet! He is so romantic!” But, you would be slightly off. Don’t get me wrong, he may pull off a few good moments here and there, but my dear husband is not romantic. This is as good as it gets.
And while it can be disappointing, it doesn’t help at all to make him feel badly about it. In fact, I learned that doing that backfires! It’s more pressure and he freezes up even more in his ability to execute. Then I just end up with last minute dyed neon flowers. I hate dyed neon flowers.
Now let me explain that I’m really not a gifts person. It is my least important love language, in fact. However, when a gift is expected and he fails miserably, it makes me feel like he just doesn’t care enough to take five minutes and figure something out. Don’t I matter at all? What about all that wasted time on his phone! Come on!
But, that mindset helps nothing either. It just causes division and hurt feelings. So instead I save the good cards and read them when I stumble across them. When he does something really romantic, I let him know how much I appreciate it and suggest he just repeat the same thing each year. That way, I feel special and he doesn’t have to stress over thinking of a new idea. And I just keep sending him gift ideas as an act of love. (He always gives me a big hug and a thank you when I help him out). And when I’m secretly disappointed that he didn’t come up with his own sweet idea to surprise me, I smile, say thank you for whatever I bought and wrapped for myself, and enjoy knowing that I was able to love him by helping him feel successful.
He does love me. I just have to focus on the ways he shows me that other than well thought-out and executed romantic gestures.
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