Why I Don’t Need Porn to ‘Spice Up’ My Marriage

When I look for marital advice, I always look to couples that have been married much longer than my husband and me and seem to still be in love.  But sometimes it’s hard to sift through the messages, because there is so much conflicting advice out there.

Take sex, for instance. Many couples feel strongly that there is no place for pornography use within marriage, but from time to time I read things by others claiming it “spices things up.”  So which is it?

As I’ve written previously, my husband and I both experimented with pornography when we were teenagers, years before we met. At first it seemed harmless and fun, and irresistibly fascinating.

But after awhile it became clear to both of us that viewing the intimate and staged private lives of other people just wasn’t having a positive impact on our real life relationships. We each separately decided that we never wanted porn to be a part of our lives again.

Years later, when my now-husband and I were engaged, some mutual acquaintances suffered through some of the dangers of pornography we had worked so hard to avoid.

True to much of the research I’ve come across, the married couple were both depressed and withdrawn. Despite the fact that they did love each other, the husband’s pornography usage hurt their own love life and created constant arguments between them.  The wife struggled with her self-image after her husband continued to view images of unrealistic women.

Eventually, this couple divorced. Their children were devastated. It was so painful to see this family torn apart and it seems clear pornography contributed to this marriage’s dissolution.

Despite what racy magazines or websites might recommend, I have never even tempted to bring porn into my marriage. We didn’t need to “spice things up” because we were committed to communicating and learning about one another. It did take a while in the beginning for Eric and I to meaningfully connect in the bedroom, but I’m happy to report that our intimacy grew stronger and more satisfying over time.  Ten years into our marriage, our sex life is better than ever, no porn needed.

Recommended reading from the author:

Your Brain on Porn

Mad About Marriage

Shannon

Shannon is a wife and mother of two boys who spends her time hosing mud off children, scrubbing sticky furniture, and rushing to the ER to have nails extracted from small intestines. Shannon lives in Iowa and blogs at We, A Great Parade (http://www.agreatparade.com/).She is part of I Believe in Love because she believes in the beauty of humanity.
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