Why I’m Happy My Wedding Changed Things


I was so excited to get married. Our wedding was really unique and special, and I was excited for the big day.  But even more than that, I was excited to be married. I couldn’t wait to live in the same place as my husband, sleep in the same bed, and start sharing the day in and day out of our lives together.

Before the big day, we lived 45 minutes apart.  It sucked.  Of course it was a priority to spend time together, but that was always followed by one of us having to drive home.  We’d postpone saying goodnight because we didn’t want to go our separate ways, but then we’d be so tired it was barely safe to drive. I was well over saying goodbye at the end of the night.

When I walked down the aisle, I knew it was the start of something really new.  I wasn’t nervous at all. I knew we were making the right decision, and I couldn’t wait to get started with this new chapter of our lives.  It was time.

I moved into his house, rearranged a few things, and settled into life, lived together.  We ate dinner together every night, watched movies in the basement, chatted about our dreams, finished fixing up the house to sell it, and snuggled up in bed each night, often falling asleep in each other’s arms.  I felt so safe and so loved.

So much changed on our wedding day. It marked the start of something completely new that we were starting together and committing to together.  We clung to each other through the major transitions and learned how to support each other better.

This is a stark contrast to the experience a co-working of mine shared with me about a year before my wedding.  We were teachers and she had gotten married over the summer.  When I saw her again in August, I asked how things were going and she enthusiastically responded, “Nothing’s changed!”  She was smiling, and I was confused.  I didn’t understand why that was good.  A wedding is a beautiful thing. I don’t understand why someone would go through that whole process (and spend all that money) with the goal of nothing changing.  What’s the point?  Is it even possible for nothing to change?  What was she worried would change?

The more I thought about it, though, the more it made a little sense.  She and her now husband had chosen to sleep together and live together before they were married.  Maybe she was worried that he would start some really annoying habits now that they were hitched?  After all, she had “test drove” his habits by living with him, but what if he was hiding a deal breaker? It strikes me as odd that so many couples choose to live together since that choice is linked to higher rates of divorce, the very thing they’re trying to prevent. But an attitude of “test driving” doesn’t seem to be making us more committed people.

I’m really thankful my story is that our wedding day marked all those big changes in our lives. On October 1st, we celebrate the start of a life together; a life with combined finances, shared living arrangements, and a new way to express our love for each other. It was a blessed day when all our friends and family celebrated the start of our blessed, new life.

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