Virginity was a big deal to me growing up. My dream was to wait until I was in love before I had sex. My family advised me to wait until I was married. All my friends seemed to be trying to lose their virginity. What I thought about sex and the messages I was receiving was confusing at times.
So I didn’t really have a chance to decide how I felt about virginity before my boyfriend pressured me to do more than I wanted with him, and we were more physical than I wanted to be. When I refused to have full-on sex with him, he dumped me. I felt worthless and used.
After that, I felt like I didn’t have the luxury to decide what I thought about sex before marriage anymore. With my next boyfriend, I thought he would surely expect it since I had given my body to an ex-boyfriend—never mind that it was not mutual.
I had sex with my new boyfriend because I thought we had to go further for him to know that I liked him more than the last guy. Giving my body to another boy was a big mistake for me because I still wasn’t ready. And once I gave myself to him, he expected it to continue. Every time I had sex I felt like I was taking away something special about sex for when I did get married.
I finally hit a point where I realized no matter how many times I had had sex, I wanted to stop and wait for the love of my life. Even though I had already lost my virginity, I knew I would feel so much better about myself by waiting for the man I married.
I stopped looking for a relationship or being physical with men. Not worrying so much about being in a relationship freed me to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I focused on trying to better myself so I would be ready for when I met my husband.
When I finally met my husband he totally understood my past and all I had been through. We both waited until we were married, and I’m so glad we did. Sex was a totally different experience with my husband. Having sex with a man you are totally in love with and who is totally in love with you is worth the wait.